Choices or Ultimatum?

A lot has changed for women today...Todays women are independent, with freedom to chose a career and lfiestyle of their choice, with scope to raise their voice to demand their rights and protest against the wrong or injustice forced upon them.

Todays women have opportunities to soar to new heights, with career options ranging from domestic helps to fashion models to business enterpreuners. Todays women are not weak...they are equal to men, if not better. Atleast that is how I was taught or raised- that I was no less, and I could lead my life however I wanted...

I was always given a choice and little did I know, this so called 'choice' was the real double edged sword in a girl's life.

Confused ? Well, let me explain. My eyes opened to this realisation two three years back when my parents started searching for a groom for me.No, I was not in one of those families, fortunately, where marriage was not a rush or compulsion...rather i was always given plenty time to finish how many ever degrees or studies i wanted, and being in medical field, believe me...it needed time. In fact, my mom always told me that a girl should be independent and educated, even if she didn't marry. Naturally, the requirement of an educated groom came without asking.

And that was the start of the nightmare- of rejections, of doubts, complaints and what not. We live in an era where educated working girl is well accepted...but an ambitious, talented girl who had little time for home was not. If that was not enough, if the girl was a topper with more achievements than the guy....well, all the best!

"She looks good and will look nice with our son. But we are looking for a simpler girl"

"We wanted a doctor but not MD...your daughter intends to do further courses also."

"Will your daughter be ready to settle and open a clinic near home, instead of working in bigger hospitals? "

They didnt say it always so directly, but we realised that what they wanted to communicate was that maybe I was better than their sons, and their ego didnt allow it. And I was given yet another choice - to settle with these sort of life-partners to have the bliss of family life, or nurture my career which I had worked so hard.

Yes, today's women had a choice- and sometimes in places where they should not be given a choice.

The choice between a family life and career...choice between leaving your dreams and leaving the guy who doesnt support....choice between having children or that promotion...choice between being trolled for her modern outfits versus being that ideal cultured woman...

When a girl marries, she is expected to shift her life, house and adjust her job and so on...And if she protests, with the rationale that why can't the man shift or do the same for her sake, she is given the choice of between staying with husband or staying back away in two different cities to pursue her job. 

"I had told you before itself ...You should have chosen someone else who fits your criteria right?" he says, without understanding the sacrifice. And some understand, but cannot let go of the priveledge of the patrichal soceity.

"I cant leave my old parents alone," he says, forgetting that her parents are going to be alone too. "If you didnt want to stay in joint family, then you should not have married!"

"Either you give up on this hectic job of yours or lets not plan a baby!" 

"Why have children if you cant take care of them?"

"If you wear these clothes, people will say things?"

"I am not saying not to return when you want from work, but maybe you should consider a lighter job?"

Women constantly have so many choices to make every day...but a sinking heart in me realised that these choices came with so many clauses ....they became ultimatum that wounded dreams and aspirations...No one questions a man on his choices, on his job and on his work...No one says that being a father, needs a lesser hectic job to a man. No one says to a man that why he can't cook or do housework? No one definitely expects a man to wear analogous to a saree, to prove he had strong roots...

While we rejoice the advances that women have made so far, to atleast reach this option of choice...to walk away and no longer be victims, one cannot help wonder about those unnecessary choices a girl still needs to make, and when it will all end...When will soceity really become equal in true sense, be supportive and let women have it all...When will women enjoy true freedom, not at a cost of other things dear to her? When will we speak up? When will the vicious cycle break? When will we all live together, truly equal and truly as one? Till when will women keep having to make that choice- to keep or let go?