How can you support a dear one during mental health crisis?

In the same way that everyone has physical health, everyone also has mental health. The stigma around mental health issues persists despite the fact that they are very common. According to the World Health Organization, depression is the primary cause of disability worldwide.

Due to the several crises we are currently experiencing, it may seem as though more and more people we know are in pain, leading us to question, "How can I support a loved one who is experiencing mental health difficulties?”

Maybe you're worried because you've noticed a friend acting or behaving differently, or maybe a family member is talking to you for the first time about their anxiety. I am aware that it can be difficult to know what to say or do. When you're helping someone who is having mental health problems, there are eight things you can do and eight things you shouldn't.

First, the dos:

DO pay attention and affirm

Ask your friend about their struggles and how they are being affected by them. Ask open-ended questions as opposed to yes-or-no inquiries to encourage others to talk to you about their experiences, such as "What's going on? "or "How long have you been having this problem? " or "How do you handle things? ”

Make affirming words in response to what they say to make them feel heard and accepted for who they are. Many persons who experience mental health problems frequently blame or criticise themselves for what they are going through; others may believe that their problems are unimportant because they are all "in their heads."

You want to let your loved one know that they are totally fine, even if you are unable to fully comprehend or relate to their sentiments or experiences. You can do this by stating something as simple as, "That sounds incredibly difficult."

DO find out what they require of you.

Ask your loved one directly: "How can I support you? " rather than assuming what would be beneficial to them or "What would be of use to you at this time?”

Keep in mind that everyone has various needs for support, so what you may require during difficult times may not be what someone else requires.

DO give assistance with routine activities.

Many persons who experience mental health issues may find it extremely challenging to make simple judgments or complete even seemingly simple tasks. Try to be clear about what you're offering rather of saying, "I'm here if you need me," so your friend won't have to worry about reaching out or figuring out what they need in the first place.

Find out what they could use help with when you visit them, such as doing the dishes, weeding, vacuuming, or folding laundry. Offer to drive them to a doctor's appointment or make a grocery or drugstore run for them if you speak with them. You might also think about sending them a gift card for food if you do.

DO recognise their accomplishments, even the modest ones.

Every day can be challenging for someone who is dealing with mental illness. So applaud their successes and efforts. This may support their perceptions of control and effectiveness. This could take the form of complimenting them for going to work or walking their dog on a regular basis or thanking them for being so open and honest with you.

DO read about what they are facing

You can relieve them of another significant load by not making them teach you about mental illness. Instead, spend some time understanding more about their struggles, such as depression, panic attacks, or anxiety, so you may better understand their lived experience and be alert to any extreme or dangerous actions or symptoms.

Today, there are a tonne of sites to get educational, beneficial content online, from peer-reviewed publications and articles by mental health specialists to posts in online groups and individual essays by people who have had the same mental health struggles as your loved one.

DO follow up with them frequently.

Many individuals who experience mental health issues already experience some level of guilt for taking up other people's time, energy, and mental space. Remind your friend that you love them and are on their side by keeping in touch with them frequently (a quick text is good), keeping them company when you can, and checking in with them.

DO remember that not all mental health issues are the same in appearance.

Not every mental health issue or mental disorder has the same symptoms. Some people may experience difficulties as a result of a particular incident or set of circumstances, while others may be dealing with a long-term mental illness. Don't expect your loved one to "get over" it the same way they would a cold or broken bone if the latter is the case.

Reminding them that you are aware of what they are dealing with will help you meet them where they are. Depending on what they need, this can take several forms, such as being understanding when they cancel plans without telling you because they're having a particularly difficult day or modifying your plans with them to take into account what they can manage.

DON'T shy away from discussing mental health.

Don't wait for them to mention their difficulties or be afraid to be honest with them. It's critical that we talk about taking care of our mental health openly and in the same way that we would talk about visiting a doctor or taking medication for a physical ailment. If you want your loved one to feel comfortable being honest with you, you can even think about being open and vulnerable while discussing your own mental health.

The following are the do nots:

DON'T compare their experience with others'

Each person has a unique experience with their mental health issues and disorders. In an effort to comfort a loved one, you might be tempted to say things like, "Everyone deals with anxiety [or depression, etc.] sometimes," or to mention a friend who suffered from the same condition but responded well to a certain approach, therapy, or treatment.

Avoid giving in to this urge. Even though stating those things can be useful in terms of normalising their experience and making them feel less alone, they can also have the unintentional impact of forcing them to get over it or belittle what they’re feeling.

Not telling them what they have or should be grateful for is another thing to avoid. Comparison to others and toxic positivity can support the idea that your loved one's difficulties are unimportant.

DON'T personalise their actions

People's difficulties with mental health are frequently nonlinear and unpredictable. Your sister may keep cancelling your phone dates, and your pal may become less chatty one day. Despite the fact that you could be wounded or offended by their behaviour, you shouldn't believe that it represents how your loved one feels toward you.

Instead, take advantage of their indications to check in on them, see what you can do to help, and let them know you're always available if they need you.

DON'T speak in a stigmatising manner.

Take cautious when discussing mental health with your friend and in general. It's best to refrain from calling them "crazy" or "crack-head," using clinical diagnoses or drugs casually in conversation, or saying things like "that's so OCD" when they are extremely organised or "take a pill" when you want them to calm down. To avoid giving your loved one unneeded suffering, examine your own presumptions towards mental health disorders, professional mental health care, and medicines.

DON'T provoke others or attempt to exert control over them.

It can be very difficult to resist taking the metaphorical wheel and doing what you believe will violently alleviate the agony of a loved one when you are faced with their anguish. However, you are reducing their sense of agency by doing this. Instead of directing or pressuring your loved one, you want to be by their side while they navigate their own difficulties. Therefore, avoid becoming pushy and refrain from issuing them with demands.

DON'T give up easily

When a loved one is having a hard time and you are trying to support and aid them, but you don't notice any improvement in them, you could feel helpless. Even though you feel helpless, you can still be of assistance. Your loved one just needs you to be there; they don't need you to solve all of their problems or to be flawless.

DON'T exhaust yourself by supporting your loved one.

You can support your loved one more effectively if you take better care of yourself. While being there for your loved one, be sure to continue taking care of yourself, doing the things you enjoy, and recharging your own batteries. Find strategies to honour what you need to do in order to be able to show up for your boundaries by being direct and explicit about them.

DON’T try to fix them

People who have mental health issues are not broken and do not require fixing. When you provide advise and answers before they've asked for it, you're actually projecting your own pain onto them and giving them the impression that what they're going through is wrong or unpleasant. Recognize that your need to jump into fix-it mode may be a coping strategy you use to lessen or eliminate your own discomfort  or worry. Consequently, I now get to my next point.

DON'T try to suppress your emotions if they arise.

When we witness a loved one struggling with a challenging, persistent, or difficult-to-understand issue, it frequently triggers uncomfortable feelings in us as well as discomfort or anxiety. It's crucial not to sweep something under the rug when it occurs. Spend some time thinking about your upcoming events.

The following are some queries you can pose to yourself:

Are you tense because you are afraid about the future of a loved one? Do you avoid them out of a sense of helplessness? Do you harbour any prejudices or stigmas about mental illness? Are you tense because you're bitter, exhausted, or simply perplexed?

To take care of yourself and yet be there for your friend, it's crucial to gain clarity on what is going to happen for you and why. If you discover that you could benefit from support or medical attention, don't feel guilty about it.