When you look into the mirror, do you hear yourself saying dialogues like- 

You are an idiot

You are good for nothing

You need to lose weight

Look at yourself; you look so old 

If your inner dialogue sounds similar to this, you are not alone. Most of us struggle with excessive self-criticism. Some criticize themselves as their parents, boss, spouse, or siblings have constantly been criticizing them. They can deal with these negative feelings by distancing themselves from such people. However, when criticism naturally comes from the inside, attention to thoughts must be paid, and ways to change them should be adopted. 

What is Self-Criticism?

Self-criticism is destructive as it chips away at our self-esteem, creates hopelessness and shame, and reinforces negative beliefs about ourselves. Unfortunately, many of us don’t understand this, and we accept the inner critic thinking it will help us improve. But this is not true because the negative beliefs activate the anxiety-driven fight and flee part of our brain, making it challenging to transform critical negative thoughts into self-appreciation.

Transforming Inner Criticism Into Appreciation is a Process 

As we all know, the word impossible says I am possible. This means the road to self-appreciation might not be easy, but nothing can stop us once the first step towards the journey is taken. To free yourself from criticism, challenge negative thoughts, and consider that unrealistic expectations will only harm you. If you pursue perfectionism, you will keep criticizing and punishing yourself for the slightest mistake. The mindset where you have unrealistic expectations from yourself will always make you feel inferior. Therefore, stop analyzing your action under a microscope and accept it is okay to make mistakes. Start loving yourself.  Here are some ways to get started on the journey to self-appreciation:

Ways to Turn Self-Criticism Into Self Appreciation

1. Look for the positives in yourself. 

When we are overly critical of ourselves, we focus on our faults and ignore our strengths and accomplishments. To counteract this tendency, intentionally notice your strengths, the things you do right, your progress, and your effort. This exercise works best when you take a few minutes daily to write down the positives, reflect on them, and let them sink in. By doing this, you can see yourself in a more balanced way, with a more accurate view of your strengths and weaknesses.

2. Challenge your negative thoughts. 

We have around 40,000 to 60,000 thoughts daily. We don’t need to pay attention to all. Try to focus on only those that are helpful. When you have a negative idea, ask yourself if it is helping me? Why do I have such a thought?

Your mind will certainly give you answers, and this will help weed out inaccurate thoughts. 

Once your inner critic is challenged, you can break free from the negative self-criticism cycle and build a more positive self-image.

3. Practice self-talk.

Self-talk is a powerful tool for transforming self-criticism into self-appreciation. Change your negative thoughts. Below are a few examples that you can use: 

It is okay if a mistake is made. This isn’t a big deal.

I am learning from each mistake I make.

I am getting better each day.

Every day I learn something new.

You can change your self-talk in just a day, it will take lots of practice and patience to replace self-criticism with compassionate self-talk. A self-critical thought might haunt you now and then, but if you keep practicing self-compassion, you will start giving yourself importance. 

4. Talk to yourself and say things you wanted to hear as a child.

Another way of turning self-criticism into self-love is to think about how to talk to your younger self. Think about an incident when others criticized you and what you would want to hear that time. What would have comforted you? What would have been done differently, so you could have stood up for yourself rather than deeming yourself? 

Here are some examples:

You are the best version of yourself. 

You don’t need to change yourself because others want you to act or look differently.

You don’t have to be perfect. It is okay to make mistakes. 

You are whole and complete. 

You don’t need to compare yourself with others. 

5. Rather than focusing on changing yourself accept yourself

Instead of focusing on self-improvement, prioritize self-acceptance. Although self-improvement has its perks, concentrating solely on it leads to self-criticism and feeling inadequate. Self-acceptance should come first before any self-improvement. 

Self-acceptance does not mean we are going to be the way we are. It means we see ourselves as we are with flaws and are ready to work on ourselves by learning, growing, and improving.

Once you begin to accept yourself and stop judging all your actions, you will have a loving relationship with yourself, and then what others say or think won’t affect you this must. You will be less defensive, more receptive to feedback, and open to learning. With gentleness, you will correct and accept yourself.

When you try to speak to yourself with love and acceptance, you will gradually notice that your self-criticism has faded.

This way, you can start loving yourself instead of hating yourself or feeling low, hopeless, guilty, etc.