"But what will people say?" this was one statement that Simran had often heard her mother say. Soon Simran believed that it was all that mattered. She was so focused on pleasing people around her that she never stopped to ask herself what she wanted. 

Those around her were her mother, Durga, sister Amitha and dad, Padmanab. Although Padmanab did his best to encourage the apple of his eye, Durga and Amitha were very judgemental and critical. They often found faults with Simran and called it correction.

 They told her that would help her become a better person. "One day, you will thank us." they said, "for that is what will help you become a good girl." Did it?

Definitely not. Simran grew up to be a self-conscious, confused, frustrated, and dissatisfied woman. She was beautiful, but she never found anything good in herself. Most of all, she longed for attention, and when she did not get it, she got angry, her frustration grew, and Simran tried harder to please those around her. Sadly that did not get her what she wanted— a good word from those around her.

Simran often looked at the more confident students in her class and thought they were good. Even the teacher complimented them; now, Simran aspired to be like them. She did her best to copy them. She tried to dress and talk like them; in short, she wanted to be them. By doing that, she hoped that she would get attention. But unfortunately, all her efforts backfired, Simran wanted friendship with the ones she admired and copied them, but they avoided her like she had the plague. Simran began to forget who she was, and her confusion grew. By the time she reached adolescence, she hated everyone, starting with herself, her mother, her sister... everyone.

Simran was now one hot-tempered person. But deep inside, she longed for only one thing —appreciation, which she never got.

She felt that all where wrong, only she was right. She couldn't retain friendships, and people left her alone. She had tried desperately to become someone she wasn't with one thought in mind— to get the much-desired attention. 

But the result was pathetic. Poor Simran had lost her pleasant identity and become a monster. Unfortunately, she was not aware of it. She kept telling herself that people were just jealous of her, which is why they didn't like her. And now she had one big superiority complex!

That's when something good happened in her life. She came home that evening from college and was seated on the balcony outside her bedroom checking her mail and messages. There was a message from her childhood friend Janice. "Oh, Janice!" Simran said as she threw he head back with her eyes closed as she mumbled, "I always ignore your messages, but you make your presence feel. I wish you were here, for you were the only one who saw something good in me!"

Wiping away her tears, she opened her eyes and looked at the phone again as she clicked on Janice's message, which read as follows:

"Hey there, Simy,

I got a surprise for you. Papa has been trying to return to our hometown for years and finally got the transfer order. We are relocating to Pune (where Simran lived), and you and I can be together again."

"What!" exclaimed Simran as she read her message. I don't keep in touch, yet she does, and she can't wait for us to be together again!" Now Simran had something to look forward to, the coming of her dear friend. They kept in touch, and on the day Janice was landing in town, Simran went to the airport to receive her. 

"Hey, which college do you go to? I want to go there too," said Janice. That's how the conversation began, and they continued speaking throughout the ride to Janice's new residence. After bringing the bags in, Simran said aloud for all to hear, "you must want to settle in. I should leave now." 

Janice's mom quickly crossed the space between her and Simran, and she hugged Simran as she said, " you are family too, and you don't have to go; stay with us today." Janice's family's attitude was positive and pleasant to be with. "So unlike my family. So many years in a foreign country and hadn't changed them a bit." 

"—a penny for your thoughts?" Janice's voice penetrated Simaran's thoughts. Simran shook her head from side to side and smiled at her childhood friend. Janice held her hand to Simran as she invited Simran up the stairs to her room. "Come, Simy, please help me unpack. And if we finish quickly, we can see a bit of the town." She was now running up the stairs with Simran in tow.

"These people are so different, accepting. I don't have to do anything to make these people love me—" Simran thoughts as Janice interrupted her thoughts again, saying, "hey, is something bothering you? You have become unusually quiet." Simran smiled again as she said, " I was thinking of our childhood. You have been out of the country for many years, but you are the same. You haven't changed at all."

"Caught you liar!" Janice said. Simran whirled around, thinking Simran was accusing her, but Janice was smiling at her. She smiled back as she shot her a questioning look. Janice said, "we were five when we parted, and now we are 18. Hey, the two cute kids are now beautiful young ladies!" Both laughed, and Simran realized she had not laughed so much in years. 

As the two friends had planned, they went out that evening, and as luck would have it, they met Vinitha, Simran's arch-rival. Vinitha had an irritating habit of passing snide remarks whenever Simran was within hearing distance. Had Simran spotted her earlier, she would have taken another route, but she saw Vinitha only when she was right in front of her.

Vinitha rose from her seat and approached Simran and Janice menacingly. Simran was dredging what Janice would have to hear from Vinitha. Her heart began to race, " will this be the end of the friendship?"

"Wow. New friend, eh? I'm curious how long this one will last," said Vinitha. Simran was shocked she stood there with her mouth open as Vinitha continued to tell Janice what a nasty person Simran was." 

Janice was silent until Vinitha had finished talking. Simran was about to run in the other direction. Sensing that, Janice held onto her hand as she asked Vinitha with a smile, " Well! How long have you known Simran?" "Two dreadful years Vinitha said as she rolled her eyes. "Vinitha?" Janice continued, "I have known her all my life, and the one you described is not the Simran I know." She again flashed her a brilliant smile as she said, "see you around, Vinitha." and before Vinitha could respond, she walked away without letting go off Simran's hand.

Later as they sat at a nearby cafe and Janice spoke about everything but the unfortunate incident with Vinitha, Simran asked her, " Why didn't you believe what Vinitha told you about me?" "Because I know you, and I can't be bothered about what others say about you." 

"Simran," Janice said. "You know we shouldn't bother about what people might say. They are entitled to an opinion, and all the best to them in what they think about us. What our friendship means to you and me matters; what others say can't change that."

Simran walked back home that evening with Janice's words ringing in her ears. "What others think doesn't matter!" She thought, "I wasted my life believing it mattered and ended up dissatisfied and depressed!

My Thoughts

People are free to think and label a person as good or bad. But why should it matter? It will affect an insecure person, but a confident person may be hurt by such talk but will soon put it past them and live joyful lives. Who are you, and what will you choose to do?

Liked this story? Read another one-'The Beauty Within'.