Dealing with Anxiety? Tips to Initiate the “Talk” with your Partner

If you’re someone who suffers from anxiety, it’s probably affecting every area of your life. From dreading the simplest of tasks to living with an array of insecurities, anxiety is not something that should be taken lightly or joked about. These days, every third person is suffering from mental health issues which is scary and alarming at the same time. Whether you’ve been newly diagnosed or have been battling anxiety for years, talking about your journey can make you feel a lot better. However, knowing where to start and how to have the “talk” can be challenging. For example, if you’re in a relationship and you want to explain anxiety to your partner, how do you go about doing that?

Firstly, explaining anxiety can be tricky. You are obviously going to be wary about how your partner would react. Well, when it comes to mental health issues especially anxiety and depression, open communication is key. Whether your partner is your boyfriend or husband, you must let them know about something you’re living with every day of your life. And, if it’s something that’s affecting you, they need to be aware of it.

How to Explain Anxiety to Your Partner?

Once you’re ready to talk to your partner about your anxiety, here are a few tips that can help you:

• Pick the right time/moment

The first step is to pick the right time. You can’t just tell your partner you have anxiety amidst an argument. You need to set the tone and ensure the atmosphere is appropriate. Since it is a sensitive topic, it requires a lot of vulnerability at your end. Don’t approach the situation in a hasty manner. Wait until you’re ready and then have the conversation. Remember, the discussion is meant to be relaxed and unhurried. Therefore, pick a place at which both of you will be comfortable. Don’t be scared as you’re giving your partner a chance to know and care for you better.

• Write down the things you want to communicate

In the quest of explaining your anxiety, you might end up feeling anxious too. Thus, a situation might arise where you aren’t necessarily able to communicate to your partner the way you actually intended to. Well, fret not! You can help yourself by jotting down the points you want to discuss with your partner. This will ensure you don’t get lost in words. You don’t have to write a long essay. Just a few bullet points will help.

• Offer them some reading material

When you plan to explain your mental health issues to your partner, it may be a good idea to have some resources at hand. He/she may have read about mental health but may not know the specifics. Since you are going to be telling them about what you’re dealing with, it’s always better to go prepared. Initially, they might have a lot of questions. If certain resources have helped you, you can pass them onto your partner. It may be a book, blog, podcast and so on. Once you get down to telling them the kind of anxiety you’re experiencing, ask them if they’d like to learn more about it so that they can help you better. You can also encourage them to do their own research.

• Be specific and communicate clearly

It’s important for your anxiety to make sense to your partner. For example, if you’re telling them about your feelings and they respond saying “it’s just one of those days” or “it’s okay to get nervous”, the purpose of the conversation is defeated. When explaining anxiety to your partner, they should be able to relate to it. The way you express yourself matters. One way to put it across is by telling them that your anxiety is like your shadow you just can’t cut off. You can even look up online to see how other anxiety warriors have described their experiences.

When you’re opening up, you need to be able to describe your symptoms and what it is that is triggering you. You need to even tell them the coping mechanisms you resort to once you recognise these triggers. Tell them about all the things you’ve tried so far and how they can help you on this journey. Once you’re able to make your anxiety relatable, you need to vocalise your need for support.

• Ask for support

Ideally, your partner should be able to understand your situation and where you’re coming from. However, if they fail to understand the seriousness of the matter, ask for support. Sometimes, it might even take them long to grasp what you’re actually going through. Don’t take their nonchalant behaviour as ignorance. Maybe they’re actually bewildered by what you said. Tell them that you don’t need anything different from them but simply want them to understand you. Since you would have done quite a bit of reading, tell them how they can help you deal with anxiety. Whether it’s by distracting you, taking you out for a dinner date or whatever is your idea of feeling happy.

• Be ready to answer questions

Lastly, once you’ve had the talk with them, be ready for a gazillion questions. They too may be curious about what you’re going through. If they need some time to think about what you’ve just told them, give them that time. Be honest when they ask you questions. Some of their questions might not even make sense to you, however, it’s important to keep your cool.

Conclusion

Mental health is something that should be spoken about. Anxiety can be a challenge but if it’s damaging your relationship with a loved one, it ought to be brought to the table. Since you and your partner have mutual love and respect for each other, it’s good to navigate every storm together. In case your partner is unable to help you on this journey, you could even suggest couples’ therapy. This way, you will be able to understand your thought process better and both of you will know what to do next.