What I got taught as a kid but will never teach mine

We are taught a lot of things growing up. These teachings are either rooted in our family, society or culture. Learning small and basic things at a young age can really shape the type of individual one grows up to be.

Our learnings and values define our adulthood and are conditioned deeply into our personalities. These learnings don’t just define us as people but also our behaviour with the ones around us.

For eg: If a child is taught that bad behaviour deserves harsh/violent punishment, the child might grow up to be a violent adult. 

There are a lot of things I was taught as a child which I strongly disagree with and would never pass on to my own children. 

Here are a few:

Menstruation means you’re a grown up now

I was always a ‘tomboy’ in school. I had a boy cut till the age of 13 and not to mention the attitude of a troublemaker. I was an outgoing kid. I played sports that usually didn’t see a lot of female participants. I have fallen on every possible ground while playing and always ended up in the medical room. I was also very kind and mindful of other people, friendly to the point that I could befriend every kid in my batch. In short, I was a good kid. I enjoyed myself without hurting others and my parents always encouraged my enthusiasm.

However, when this bubbly girl turned 15 and got her period, she was suddenly not seen as a small girl anymore. I was constantly told to sit properly, dress properly, not play on certain days, not touch things on certain days, not talk about it openly, hide my sanitary napkins from men (even boys my age)  and not behave like a kid (which I definitely was) 

Girls are expected to suddenly grow up and you know what decides that? Menstruation. Girls sometimes start menstruating at an age as young as 13. This does not necessarily mean that they are supposed to suddenly start behaving like grown ups. 

Menstruation, like any other bodily process is natural and is supposed to be treated that way.  Now that I am actually a grown up I look forward to doing everything possible to destigmatize this very normal body process and if I have kids, I will make sure they do too. 

Respecting elders even if they disrespect you

Now. Now. Before you tag me for being a disrespectful Gen Z, hear me out.  I am all for respecting adults. I have been brought up in a home where respect is the first thing a child is taught. I honestly believe that my personality would be very unappealing and ignorant if I was a disrespectful person. People older than us definitely have more and different experiences as compared to us. Their advice and opinions usually help the younger generations a lot!

However, I strongly believe that every person after a certain age is learnt enough to make their own decisions and even face consequences if those decisions are wrongly taken. 

While taking advice and fixing your mistakes is a very good path to growth, constant disrespect is the biggest discouragement. And when it is at the hands of adults at our home school or society , we as the ‘younger’ side are expected to tolerate it because age becomes a ruling point in the argument. 

If I could, I would simply advise my younger self to remove myself and avoid engaging with people and from places where I am not respected. 

I really believe that disrespect should have no room and age bar in society and hence would teach the same to my kids.

Your clothes weigh your respect

Sadly, a very common statement in most Indian households. Directed especially- at women. 

What you wear has nothing to do with the respect you give or receive. The problem of linking respect to clothes begins (not so shockingly) - at school. The very point when - the teacher measures the length of your school uniform and blames you for ‘distracting boys’ or tags you for being an ‘attention seeker’ - is where the problem begins. 

It is so deeply conditioned and rooted in our upbringing that it often leads to victim shaming/blaming and self doubt in the victims when they are subjected to heinous crimes like rape/assualt. 

The reason this point is probably the most important one in my list is because I would really love to break the generational cycle that has been associating a woman’s worth to something as mere as clothing. 

Objectification begins at a very young age. I have been subjected to objectification and am pretty sure that every woman who reads this has, and that, is a very sad state of affairs. 

So if I have kids someday, no matter what gender they identify with or even if they don’t - they will already have all the freedom of dressing up as they wish without having them stand on the societal scale of - respect.

Failure is for the weak

To be very honest, I was never taught this. But since I am talking about breaking generational cycles, I also want to talk about cycles I wouldn’t break. I was in a constantly competitive environment at school and I often noticed parents of my friends being extremely harsh on them for scoring less in tests or losing a game of volleyball/football . 

Seeing that I felt very relieved as a kid because this was not the case with my parents. My parents have always encouraged me to give anything I do- my best shot. Whether I fail or pass, win or lose wasn’t the discussion point. They believed in me and encouraged me even if I was really bad at something- like Math for example. 

Infact, when I was an athlete and lost races, my dad always treated me to the biggest meals at KFC (I loved KFC. I still do hehe) 

Now that I look back, I realise that I have celebrated my failures more than my achievements and that makes me very confident and boosts the faith I have in myself!

I would definitely take this tradition forward! 

I can go on and on with my list but I think you get what I mean! Breaking traumatic/unacceptable traditional cycles I believe, is the best gift we can give to the generations that will take the world forward and hopefully make it a better place!