Small is Beautiful: Why It’s okay to not have a lot of Friends?

You open Instagram and you’ll see a high volume of posts with #squadgoals uploaded by random people and acquaintances. Like most people you might experience some insecurities, especially if you don’t have too many friends. If it gets you down and makes you wonder if something is wrong with you, let me reassure you that you’re just doing fine. It’s perfectly normal to have just a few close friends. As they say, “less is more”. Movies and Instagram set unrealistic standards. They paint a rosy picture of a massive group of friends going on a beach holiday, to gigs, pool parties, and more. Sorry to burst your bubble. This seldom happens in the real world. Social media is great at making people feel like they’re alone in this world.

Let me be honest, when it comes to friendship, quality is better than quantity. It is better to have three or four close friends than having ten friends you’re barely in touch with. I’m saying this from my personal experience. There was a time when I went on a holiday with twenty-five “so-called” friends. With the passing years, my circle started getting smaller. After two years of pandemic life, my circle became even more close-knit. I sat down and asked myself if this is a bad thing or if I’ve become anti-social?

When my group shrunk to an all-time minimum, I realised that fostering just a few intimate relationships is rather empowering.

According to research, when one is in their twenties, they generally have a lot of friends. As one gets to their 30s, the circle starts getting smaller. But hey, guess what? Small is beautiful!

9 Reasons Why having a Few Friends is Good

• Your social life is simpler

Having a lot of friends might look cool on Instagram. However, in reality, you definitely have a social life to keep up with. There will be several occasions and outings that you might have to attend. Life is definitely less complicated with a few friends. Also, there’s more peace of mind when you hang out with like-minded people.

• You get more time to pursue your own interests

If you hang out with a huge crew of friends every weekend, you literally get no time for yourself. This can rob you off rewarding life experiences. There are days when you just want to kickback and relax, and spend some “me time”. Use this time to pursue your favourite hobby or craft, or cook a fancy meal for yourself. With a large group, you will be forced to make public appearances even if you don’t want to.

• Your secrets stay intact

Whether you like it or not, when you’re a part of a large circle, there is a lot of gossiping and backbiting involved. A lot of your personal information too may be spread around town. When you share your life with a small group of trustworthy friends, your secrets remain intact. It also leads to less drama.

• You get to treasure your close friends

A major problem with a large group of friends is that you don’t get to chill enough with every person. In the quest of this, they end up becoming acquaintances. Instead, I would suggest, pick a few friends and treasure them. It’s better to have one or two true friends than to have ten shallow friends.

• You won’t find your energy zapped

Have you ever come back from an outing with your friends and found yourself physically and emotionally drained? It usually happens when you have too many friends leaning on you for support. Also, when you have a lot of friends to keep in touch with, it gets tiring as you may be constantly chatting with them or checking on them. When you have just a few friends to focus on, you won’t feel drained.

• You tend to appreciate the friends you have

I’ve personally realised that when you have a large group of friends, the friendship is generally very superficial. You don’t get to spend quality time with each and every friend. That’s not the case with a close-knit group. You get enough time to appreciate them and acknowledge their efforts. That’s what constitutes real friendship.

• You save money

While this reason might seem a bit silly, it’s true. If you thought friendship was free, it’s not. There are a lot of costs involved. Think about all the money you might end up spending on birthdays, gifts, dinners, transportation, and more. When you have more friends, the outings are also more. I remember when I was in college, my friends and I would go out often and spend a large amount of money. As my friends’ circle started getting smaller, the expenditures reduced too.

• You develop a better relationship with yourself

Your identity is often shaped by the people in your life. As they say “tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are”. The kind of activities you participate in or your lifestyle is mainly shaped by your friends’ circle. With fewer friends, you get to enjoy more time in solitude. You achieve positive self-growth and you also realise your worth.

• You don’t need to prove yourself again and again

In a large group, you might find the need to keep explaining yourself and proving your worth. If you don’t attend one outing, smaller sub-groups within the group might put you down. In a small friend’s group, everyone is equal and you don’t have to worry about unnecessary drama. You can be who you are as your role in the group is established and secure.

Having a small group of friends doesn’t mean you’re missing out. In fact, it’s totally normal to be surrounded by a few but good friends. The friendship tends to be more real and it’s also best for your mental and emotional health.

Whether you have a few friends or many friends, value them because they’re truly a blessing.