I Might Be Lost, but I am not Defeated

Sarita persisted in her efforts to find a job, and eventually, her efforts paid off, and she got a job in a foreign country, and she would be working with foreigners. The company was in a hurry, and they wanted her there within 15 days, which meant that she had fifteen days to organize everything and get ready to go abroad.

Sarita walked to the window of her room. She held onto the window with her left hand, and her right hand rested in her lap. Sarita was frail, and it was her favourite place to sit, especially when troubled. The flowing of the gentle breeze brushed her hair onto her face, but she did not notice, for she was deep in thought.

"I only wish I didn't have to go! But I must," she thought. She began to think of her dear departed husband, Satish. They were so good together, and he cared for all her needs. "Did we ever fight, or did he say anything harsh to me? No, never!" she thought. 

Satish was a kind man, but his family was rude. He always protected her from them, even staying in a separate dwelling with his wife. Although that displeased his mother, he tried to convince her until she finally relented. 

Satish had seen his bhabhi's (sister-in-law) tears, and he did not want Sarita to go through that. Sarita lived a fairytale life until the fateful day when Satish was late from work. Anxiously she waited for him only to get a call informing her of the worst. Satish met with an accident on the way home from work and died on the way to the hospital. Sanish, who stayed close to her house, had rushed to his sister's house and taken her to the hospital to claim Satish's body. 

The days passed in a rush for Sarita; her husband's death had shaken her. Her sister-in-law Mangala (Sanish's wife) was a kind woman, and she stayed with her and cared for her. Sarita remained in the house Satish had so lovingly chosen for her. She held onto the memories of the beautiful times spent there with her husband.

A month after Satish's passing away, her in-laws came to see her. She saw something in them that she had never noticed when Satish was around. They were downright rude and nasty. They came when Sanish was out and gathered everything that belonged to Satish, every memory Sarita held on to and began walking out of the house. Sarita tried to stop them, but her mother-in-law, Alka, looked at her and said, "Don't forget I have lost my son because of you." 

Sarita was stung by her words; it was as if her mother-in-law had struck her. Oblivious to her pain, her mother-in-law said, "I am his mother. I carried him in my womb for nine months and brought him into this world. We educated and brought him up. But he left us because of you!" Every word that came out from her mother-in-law's mouth stung her. Sarita was tongue-tied— She did not know what to say. 

But Alka did not stop. She continued saying, "you are cursed! you took away my son from me, and now he is taken away from you and you deserve it. And," she said, "you don't even have children. What have you got to live for? Women like you are better dead." 

Alka believed her son was close to her, and she never thought that he would leave her ever. When he did, she blamed Sarita for it. She believed the only reason Satish left home was because that was what Sarita wanted. She had no compassion for Sarita. As Alka walked out of the door, she stopped for a moment and said, " People like you can never be happy because you destroy the happiness of others." The door closed after her with a huge bang.

Sarita was shattered. The little hope she had that her in-laws would come and take her home was completely gone. Sarita felt like she had lost everything she had. Alka's words kept resounding in her ears, and Alka could not take it anymore. She felt the darkness envelop her, and she knew nothing after that, for Sarita had lost consciousness and fallen to the ground.

Sanish saw that his sister's house was unusually dark when he went past it home from work. He always stopped by to check on her in the morning and evenings and try to cheer his grieving sister.

He stopped by that evening and was shocked to find the door open. He pushed open the door to see complete darkness. His heart racing, he wondered what could have happened and where was Sarita. She could not have gone out; she never stepped out after her husband's death. He reached out for the lights and finally found the switches and switched them on. But as the room was illuminated, he was astonished to see his sister lying motionless on the floor.  

She lay only a few feet from where he stood. He rushed to her and sat on the floor as he tried to shake her awake. But Sarita would not move, and he began to call her repeatedly. Finally, Sarita stirred. She tried to move and sit on the floor. But her head was hurting. As she felt severe pain on one side of her head. She would have hit her head when she lost consciousness, for she had a nasty bump. Sanish, helped her up, saying, "what happened Sarita, how did you fall?"

Sarita's wounds were raw. Her eyes filled with tears, but she never said a word. Sanish initially thought Satish's death was the cause of her tears. He held his sister up, led her to her bedroom, and said, " You rest a while; you have a nasty bump on your head." 

He seated her on the bed and turned to get an ice pack when he noticed Satish's cupboard open. "Sarita, why is this cupboard open?" he asked as he walked towards it to close it. Sarita called out, saying, "I was—" But Sanish had reached the cupboard before she could say anything more. He turned to Sarita and asked, "why is it empty? What happened here?"

Sarita was quiet; she did not want to upset her brother. But Sanish was an intelligent man, and she knew how nasty her in-laws could be. He looked at his sister, asking, " Did they come here?" Desperate to hide the truth from her brother, she asked, "Who?"

Sanish walked to where his sister was seated, sat down by her side and asked again patiently, "did your in-laws come to see you." Sarita nodded, and Sanish continued, "what did they want." Although his voice was gentle, his body language and manner of talking reflected the anger within him.

Looking down at her hands, she said, " Ma-ji wanted something that belonged to him for memories sake. But Sanish was not fooled, "something or everything? He asked. Tears were now flowing from Sarita's eyes. 

Sanish knew how nasty Alka could be. He took a deep breath before he spoke. "Sarita, I don't have much to offer you. But I do have a small house, and my family loves you. I know you stay here because this place reminds you of Satish. But you know your in-laws. They will not stop at anything." He continued," they want this house; they say Satish borrowed money from them for it. I kept telling them that we won't give it to them as it is Satish's gift to you and the only thing you have now, but we will pay them the money—"

Somehow Sarita was not surprised by what Sanish was telling her. But how would she get so much money to pay—there was only one way to do it: put her education to use. Sarita decided to fight back. The next time her in-laws visited her, much to their surprise, she welcomed them. She waited for them to talk about Satish's loan. When they did, she calmly asked them, "How much?" They told her, and she requested that they give her a month to pay it off. 

It was a substantial amount, but Sarita had her gold ornaments, and she sold them, which covered three-fourths of the loan amount. She then pledged her home for a loan. She went and paid her in-laws off and looked for someone to take her home for rent, and that the rent would pay the EMIs. 

My Thoughts

I wonder what  Sarita's life would be if she hadn't fought back. Her brother would not be able to help her, and eventually, she would have lost her home, her memories with Satish. But hats off to this brave woman who chose the difficult path to hold on to things that matter.

Liked this story? Read another one 'How I Restarted my Career at 50'.