6 Dumb Notions Newly Married Women Hear in their First Year of Marriage

Marriage is a huge milestone in one’s life. It’s normal to be excited yet nervous when you’re entering this new phase. Though you and your partner are in for a crazy journey, it’s the people around that honestly make it very challenging. According to Desi society, marriage is viewed as a step to conditioning yourself to a new lifestyle altogether. I’ve been married for a year and a half now and trust me I’m still tired of listening to unsolicited advice from pesky relatives and jealous neighbours. It’s a sad reality that a lot of people fail to understand. A girl leaves her maternal home to enter a new setting altogether, to begin her life with a new set of people. That in itself is a big change. The last thing they’d want to hear is taunts, criticism and remarks from people who are complete strangers.

Though this topic is much talked upon, women are still victim to dumb notions and sexist remarks.

6 Things Newly Married Women are Tired of Listening To

• “You’re in your honeymoon phase that’s why you’re happy”

It can be pretty annoying to hear relatives tell you that you’re happy because you’re in your honeymoon phase. What do they mean? Well, among the many stages of marriage, there does exist a honeymoon phase. However, it doesn’t mean you’re going to be unhappy after that. It’s just a romantic and tender phase characterised by passion and intimacy. I’ve actually had people tell me “Wait till reality hits you”. Honestly, it’s in your hands for the marriage to work. I know couples who are married for a decade and still seem like they’re newlyweds. So, the next time someone tells you that “shuru shuru mein sab acha lagta hai”, you just have to lend a deaf ear.

• “You don’t look married”

This is something I get till date. I still fail to understand how one looks married. Am I supposed to be in traditional attire from head to toe, wear sindoor, a mangalsutra and so on or do I have to carry a board saying “I am married”.  In fact, even when I went back home after a few days of being married, my house help told me “didi aap shaadi shudda nahi lagte”.  This has a lot to do with age-old beliefs and notions. Society believes that women need to display their marital status in their name and on their body. I don’t think anyone ever tells a man that they don’t look married. It’s only with women. We have been conditioned to believe that if a woman wears a gold ornament or ring, she is married.

• “When are you giving us the good news”?

If you’re an Indian married woman, you’re probably familiar with the question “when are you giving us the good news”? It’s sad that even today a lot of people think that a woman’s life goal is to get married and have babies. Of course, pregnancy is a magical and wonderful moment. However, if a relative ends up asking you for so-called “good news” at every family event, it can be downright intrusive. After all, it’s your private life and it’s for you and your partner to decide when you want to start a family.

• “My son has changed after getting married”

This is another thing I have a huge problem with. Why on earth are women blamed for everything after marriage. In fact, my friend’s mother-in-law even told her “You’ve done jadoo-tonna on my son, that’s why he’s changed”. If a man becomes emotionally distant from his mother after marriage, why is the wife to blame? In India especially, there is this misconception that once a woman comes into a house, a son no longer belongs to his parents. Honestly, this has to change. Newly married women are tired of this blame-game. Instead, a man’s parents should be happy and supportive of their son’s life decisions and should wish him good.

• “Now that you’re married, you will quit your job, right?”

For nosy relatives, marriage almost means putting an end to a woman’s aspirations and dreams. Back then, when our parents got married, the woman barely had a choice. She would usually give up her dreams to take care of the house, her in-laws and raise her children. Things are different today. However, there are still a few people who are living in the stone-age. They expect a girl to give up everything once she’s married. Newly married girls usually hear random aunties at functions telling them to quit their job. If it’s done willingly, well and good but if it’s done under pressure, one can actually lose their self-confidence. After I got married, a random woman at some family function came up to me and told me “Your husband is earning well, why do you want to work”? I wish I could tell her “It’s none of your business, aunty”.

• “You’ve put on weight”

Research suggests that women do tend to put on weight after marriage owing to new bonds and new responsibilities. The couple too tends to eat out and travel more which might lead to a little weight gain here and there. It is dubbed as “happy weight”. While the couple may not be feeling much about their changing bodies, it is societal pressure to lose weight that goes on endlessly. Newly married women hear things like “have you considered joining a gym”? and “I can recommend a good dietician to you”.  

Bottomline

Desi society weirdly has a different way of dealing with things. First, they force you to get married, then they force you to have kids. A woman should be free to make her own life decisions. She shouldn’t be answerable to anyone. Relatives, in-laws and neighbours should show a newly married woman empathy not sympathy.

What are the most bizarre things you’ve heard as a newly married woman? Share them with us in the comments below.